Wednesday, 16 May 2012


It's not easy to keep up a stream of blogs. Quite often, things I feel I need to share with you pop into my head at inconvenient times, and I am too lazy to note them down. Then later, iPhone in hand or laptop on lap, I'll be staring blankly at the screen, thinking, "what the hell was it I was going to write about?"

I wonder if it's a sign of my scarily advancing years. I mean, I'm no ancient and crumbling fogey quite yet, but there really can be no doubt that youth is well behind me and middle-age has instead sunk its teeth in. It is manifested in many ways; I wake up most mornings and absent mindedly rub something or other because, inexplicably, it aches. I sensibly drink a bit less because a serious hangover can last for over a day afterwards, instead of just a few hours. And sometimes I start sentences without ever actually finish

Anyway, it's arguable that a blog itself is the sign of an emerging mid-life crisis. I need to vent, I need to share my inner mysteries to a wider audience of anyone who'd care to read them. It's an essential part of my existence suddenly. The air I breathe, the meaning of life. I am gripped by a need to expose myself. No, no! That came out wrong! You know what I mean.

And what is this inner turmoil that I must share with you? I'm sorry, I haven't a clue.

It's true. Today, on a strict timetable of editorial requirement, I need to deliver the next instalment. It's due for publication just about now, and here I am, an incomplete middle-aged nutter with plenty of words but nothing to say. I had something earlier, sitting on the train. It may have been to do with the interesting amount of rabbits seen from the window, or the particular artistic qualities of a bit of graffiti, but the moment's passed, I never wrote it down, and I just can't be sure. I am even fascinated that the spellchecker just amended a mistyped "sure" to "suede", which then got me thinking about the mysteries of English once again (why do British English speakers pronounce "chamois" as "shammy"?). Oh look; another rabbit.

One is then forced to invent things. I can see a cloud shaped like an elephant. I just saw a peregrine falcon being mobbed by a bunch of parrots. Betelgeuse is expected to go supernova by the end of next week (it's not, I'm afraid; I'm lion about Orion, or lyin about Ori-in; oh hell, I can't even get my internal half-rhymes working properly).

In the end, it'll be a vague post about nothing which will be today's exhibit, m'lud. I'm sorry. Please bear with me; I'm sure it'll be better tomorrow. Maybe. Oh look! A cloud shaped like a rabbit! No, really. Nuts! No one's going to believe me now...


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